Eric P.
English
Mr.B-G.
1/27/09
It was a warm Monday morning in Birmingham, Alabama; Dwayne lazily rolled out of bed and put on his ugly school uniform. Dwayne walked into the kitchen and encountered the sound of bacon sizzling on the frying pan. He sat down and ate his breakfast which consisted of two eggs, three strips of bacon, a glass of milk, and some toast. After his fulfilling breakfast, Dwayne went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and then he started his journey to school.
Along the way he met up with one of his best friends, Jamal.
" Hey what's up?", Jamal asked." Not much, did you do the math homework?", Dwayne asked." Ya did you?" “No, it thwarted me." “Do you think that Ohio State will accept you for basketball?” Jamal asked." I hope so, I have always wanted to play for Ohio State since I first played basketball my freshman year of high school", Dwayne replied.
Dwayne is an extremely talented basketball player; he ranks first in Alabama for high school scoring. He holds the record for 2,654 points. Dwayne had a lot of prowess in basketball.
At the end of the school day, Dwayne and Jamal walked home, Dwayne was expecting his response from Ohio State in the mail today. When they both arrived at Dwayne's mailbox they opened it up and saw a letter directed to Dwayne Johnson from Ohio State.
" This is it", Dwayne said in an anxious voice.
He opened it up and pulled out the letter slowly as if it was a hundred dollar bill.
" What does it say, what does it say?", Jamal asked desperately." Hold on", Dwayne said.
Dwayne read the letter and then his heart sank like a thousand pound anvil in the ocean. Dwayne did not get accepted into Ohio State University.
"That's ok, there are plenty of other colleges out there that want you to play for their basketball team", Jamal said." I hope your right about this", Dwayne replied in a depressing tone.
After weeks passed Dwayne found out a very disturbing piece of information about why he did not get accepted into the college of his dreams. The real reason why Dwayne was rejected from Ohio State was because he was African- American. The coach of the team was very racist and did not want a black person to play on his all white superstar basketball team. Dwayne was now furious and did not even want to think about playing basketball for Ohio State, instead he wanted to get back at the coach some how.
Time passed and no other teams were interested in having Dwayne being on their basketball team. One night Dwayne gets a call from somebody that he does not know.
"Hello", Dwayne answered." Hi is this Dwayne Johnson?", the mysterious man said." Uh, yes it is who this is?” Dwayne asked." This is the head coach of the basketball program at Texas Tech", the man replied." I was wondering if you would like to play for our basketball team, I would like to offer you a full scholarship and a starting position at shooting guard for my basketball team, are you interested."
Dwayne knew that Texas Tech was not the college he was planning on attending to, but he knew that going to play basketball and getting an education for free would be nice too.
"I would be honored to play for your team sir", Dwayne said." Great be here by Friday for the first practice of the season", the coach said." Yes sir", Dwayne replied with excitement.
Dwayne arrived to his first practice on time and got ready in the locker room. After practicing for a while Dwayne knew that he was the best on his team because the rest did not have as much experience and talent as he did. The practice was difficult, but nothing that Dwayne couldn't handle. After the practice the coach told them that their first game of the season was going to be against Ohio State. Dwayne suddenly felt rage flow through his body like water coming out of a fountain. Dwayne really wanted to beat this team but he knew that is was not going to be easy, Ohio State was ranked number one in the nation and Texas Tech was far from that.
The team went through some more grueling practices to get prepared for this intense game. The coach of Texas Tech would inculcate his players. The game was tomorrow, the coach told Dwayne and the other team members the different strategies and came up with a covert play that they were going to use for this game. Beating Ohio State is going to be a quagmire. After that they went back to their dorms in the college campus and went to sleep early for their big game tomorrow.
Dwayne and the rest of his teammates arrived at the gym and warmed up before the game. There was only a minute left before the game and everybody was getting pumped up. A bevy of people started to fill up the stands. The notorious Ohio State basketball team showed up, walking with a swagger. The Ohio State players were abasing the Texas Tech players and Dwayne. The whistle blew and the game was under way. Ohio State took some early shots were already up ten to three. Dwayne got a pass from Tim, a player on his team, and made a three. Then Dwayne stole the ball and made an easy lay-up. By the end of the first quarter, Ohio State was leading 20 to 15.
In the beginning of the second quarter Dwayne hit a wide open three pointer. Gregg, a player on Ohio dribbled through Texas Tech with ease and slammed the ball in the hoop. Gregg and Dwayne are analogous in skill. Now there was only two minutes left in the second quarter and Dwayne gets the ball and makes a jumper, then Tim stole the ball from Gregg and passed it to Dwayne and he made a three. Gregg made a buzzer beater at the end of the half though.
Dwayne pumps up his team and they start to get better. Dwayne pass the ball to Tim for a lay-up, then Dwayne stole the ball and dunked over Gregg. Texas Tech stats to go on a little run in the third quarter and at the end of the quarter Ohio State was only winning by two. 77 to 75.
The final quarter started with a bang. Gregg makes a three with a hand in his face, but Dwayne answers with a lay-up but also gets fouled. Dwayne went to the line and made his foul shot. The game was very even. The intensity was building up between the two teams. There was only a minute left in the game now. Texas Tech was down by one. Dwayne makes a fade away three pointer to put his team on top for the first time in the game. Gregg made a jumper and then stole the ball and made a lay-up. Dwayne gets the ball in bounded to him; Dwayne dribbles the ball up court with only ten seconds left. As time was ticking down, Dwayne shoots a three pointer at the buzzer, swish. The was a loud clamor coming from the crowd. There was a huge jubilee after the fantastic shot made by Dwayne. Dwayne makes the shot and wins the game for his team. Dwayne gets his revenge by defeating the number one seed and the racist coach of Ohio State. They did not anull Ohio State, but they still won. The coach of the losing team was going to recite a diatribe in the team locker room after the game.It is a good thing that Dwayne is indefatigable or else he would not be able to lay the entire game.
Dwayne’s hard work had paid off and he was rewarded by beating the best college basketball team in the country. Even though Dwayne was not accepted into a great college, he greatly appreciated Texas Tech and his teammates. Dwayne later on was announced player of the year and took his team to the playoffs, but suffered a overtime loss to the Duke Blue Devils. Dwayne is a hard working student and an extremely talented basketball player.
English
Mr.B-G.
1/27/09
It was a warm Monday morning in Birmingham, Alabama; Dwayne lazily rolled out of bed and put on his ugly school uniform. Dwayne walked into the kitchen and encountered the sound of bacon sizzling on the frying pan. He sat down and ate his breakfast which consisted of two eggs, three strips of bacon, a glass of milk, and some toast. After his fulfilling breakfast, Dwayne went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and then he started his journey to school.
Along the way he met up with one of his best friends, Jamal.
" Hey what's up?", Jamal asked." Not much, did you do the math homework?", Dwayne asked." Ya did you?" “No, it thwarted me." “Do you think that Ohio State will accept you for basketball?” Jamal asked." I hope so, I have always wanted to play for Ohio State since I first played basketball my freshman year of high school", Dwayne replied.
Dwayne is an extremely talented basketball player; he ranks first in Alabama for high school scoring. He holds the record for 2,654 points. Dwayne had a lot of prowess in basketball.
At the end of the school day, Dwayne and Jamal walked home, Dwayne was expecting his response from Ohio State in the mail today. When they both arrived at Dwayne's mailbox they opened it up and saw a letter directed to Dwayne Johnson from Ohio State.
" This is it", Dwayne said in an anxious voice.
He opened it up and pulled out the letter slowly as if it was a hundred dollar bill.
" What does it say, what does it say?", Jamal asked desperately." Hold on", Dwayne said.
Dwayne read the letter and then his heart sank like a thousand pound anvil in the ocean. Dwayne did not get accepted into Ohio State University.
"That's ok, there are plenty of other colleges out there that want you to play for their basketball team", Jamal said." I hope your right about this", Dwayne replied in a depressing tone.
After weeks passed Dwayne found out a very disturbing piece of information about why he did not get accepted into the college of his dreams. The real reason why Dwayne was rejected from Ohio State was because he was African- American. The coach of the team was very racist and did not want a black person to play on his all white superstar basketball team. Dwayne was now furious and did not even want to think about playing basketball for Ohio State, instead he wanted to get back at the coach some how.
Time passed and no other teams were interested in having Dwayne being on their basketball team. One night Dwayne gets a call from somebody that he does not know.
"Hello", Dwayne answered." Hi is this Dwayne Johnson?", the mysterious man said." Uh, yes it is who this is?” Dwayne asked." This is the head coach of the basketball program at Texas Tech", the man replied." I was wondering if you would like to play for our basketball team, I would like to offer you a full scholarship and a starting position at shooting guard for my basketball team, are you interested."
Dwayne knew that Texas Tech was not the college he was planning on attending to, but he knew that going to play basketball and getting an education for free would be nice too.
"I would be honored to play for your team sir", Dwayne said." Great be here by Friday for the first practice of the season", the coach said." Yes sir", Dwayne replied with excitement.
Dwayne arrived to his first practice on time and got ready in the locker room. After practicing for a while Dwayne knew that he was the best on his team because the rest did not have as much experience and talent as he did. The practice was difficult, but nothing that Dwayne couldn't handle. After the practice the coach told them that their first game of the season was going to be against Ohio State. Dwayne suddenly felt rage flow through his body like water coming out of a fountain. Dwayne really wanted to beat this team but he knew that is was not going to be easy, Ohio State was ranked number one in the nation and Texas Tech was far from that.
The team went through some more grueling practices to get prepared for this intense game. The coach of Texas Tech would inculcate his players. The game was tomorrow, the coach told Dwayne and the other team members the different strategies and came up with a covert play that they were going to use for this game. Beating Ohio State is going to be a quagmire. After that they went back to their dorms in the college campus and went to sleep early for their big game tomorrow.
Dwayne and the rest of his teammates arrived at the gym and warmed up before the game. There was only a minute left before the game and everybody was getting pumped up. A bevy of people started to fill up the stands. The notorious Ohio State basketball team showed up, walking with a swagger. The Ohio State players were abasing the Texas Tech players and Dwayne. The whistle blew and the game was under way. Ohio State took some early shots were already up ten to three. Dwayne got a pass from Tim, a player on his team, and made a three. Then Dwayne stole the ball and made an easy lay-up. By the end of the first quarter, Ohio State was leading 20 to 15.
In the beginning of the second quarter Dwayne hit a wide open three pointer. Gregg, a player on Ohio dribbled through Texas Tech with ease and slammed the ball in the hoop. Gregg and Dwayne are analogous in skill. Now there was only two minutes left in the second quarter and Dwayne gets the ball and makes a jumper, then Tim stole the ball from Gregg and passed it to Dwayne and he made a three. Gregg made a buzzer beater at the end of the half though.
Dwayne pumps up his team and they start to get better. Dwayne pass the ball to Tim for a lay-up, then Dwayne stole the ball and dunked over Gregg. Texas Tech stats to go on a little run in the third quarter and at the end of the quarter Ohio State was only winning by two. 77 to 75.
The final quarter started with a bang. Gregg makes a three with a hand in his face, but Dwayne answers with a lay-up but also gets fouled. Dwayne went to the line and made his foul shot. The game was very even. The intensity was building up between the two teams. There was only a minute left in the game now. Texas Tech was down by one. Dwayne makes a fade away three pointer to put his team on top for the first time in the game. Gregg made a jumper and then stole the ball and made a lay-up. Dwayne gets the ball in bounded to him; Dwayne dribbles the ball up court with only ten seconds left. As time was ticking down, Dwayne shoots a three pointer at the buzzer, swish. The was a loud clamor coming from the crowd. There was a huge jubilee after the fantastic shot made by Dwayne. Dwayne makes the shot and wins the game for his team. Dwayne gets his revenge by defeating the number one seed and the racist coach of Ohio State. They did not anull Ohio State, but they still won. The coach of the losing team was going to recite a diatribe in the team locker room after the game.It is a good thing that Dwayne is indefatigable or else he would not be able to lay the entire game.
Dwayne’s hard work had paid off and he was rewarded by beating the best college basketball team in the country. Even though Dwayne was not accepted into a great college, he greatly appreciated Texas Tech and his teammates. Dwayne later on was announced player of the year and took his team to the playoffs, but suffered a overtime loss to the Duke Blue Devils. Dwayne is a hard working student and an extremely talented basketball player.
The conflict of the story was that Dwayne wanted to play for Ohio State for basketball but he was not allowed on the team because his coach was rascist. It was an external conflict because it was between Dwayne and the Ohio State Coach. I was invested in the resolution of the conflict of this story because i wanted him to get revenge on his coach by beating his team in a game. The story could have been more dramatic by making it the championship game for an important title. The protagonist changes over the story because he becomes a lot stronger after beating Ohio State and proves to himself that he didn't need to get into that college to be happy because he could now go to Texas Tech.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of the story was when Dwayne shot the ball for a three pointer to win the game for his team and get revenge on the Ohio State coach. This part occured in the climax.
"As time was ticking down, Dwayne shoots a three pointer at the buzzer, swish. The was a loud clamor coming from the crowd. There was a huge jubilee after the fantastic shot made by Dwayne. Dwayne makes the shot and wins the game for his team. Dwayne gets his revenge by defeating the number one seed and the racist coach of Ohio State"
This tale's best quality was its rising action because it built up a lot of suspense for the climax and it makes you want to read on to find out how he will get revenge on the rascist Ohio State coach."The coach of the team was very racist and did not want a black person to play on his all white superstar basketball team. Dwayne was now furious and did not even want to think about playing basketball for Ohio State, instead he wanted to get back at the coach some how."
The story's theme is that you should not judge someone by the color of their skin and hard work pays off. The seed that the author planted was in the beginning of the story when Dwayne was working real hard to acheive his goal. Although he did nt reach his goal by getting into the school he wanted he still was very successful.
The main thing that the author needs to work on in his story are mainly surface errors. For example, he should have double spaces between his paragraphs and have 14 vocabulary words that were given throughout the year.
NOOO, I wasnt post the first comment, ill post one tomorrow, cuz i just did three and im sick of it
ReplyDeleteThe conflict is that Dwayne is trying to get into a college. After he gets into Texas Tech, he wants to beat Ohio State, because the coach is racist and wouldn’t accept him. It was an external conflict. Dwayne is accepted into Texas Tech and beats Ohio State with a buzzer beater. I was invested in the story, because I wanted to see if Dwayne would beat Ohio State. The story could have been more dramatic if he played Ohio State later in the season or the playoffs.
ReplyDeleteThe protagonist changes by opening his eyes to racism. He was confident that he would get into Ohio State. He learns he didn’t, because of racism. If he hadn’t opened his eyes to racism, he wouldn’t have been angry to Ohio State. Thus, he probably wouldn’t have been pumped to beat them.
My favorite part of the story is when Dwayne swishes the game winner to beat Ohio State. I like this, because he finally gets back at Ohio State for being racist towards him. It is the resolution. The passage says, “As time was ticking down, Dwayne shoots a three pointer at the buzzer, swish.”
I like the suspense in the story. I like how the game comes down to the final seconds. I like how Dwayne gets back at the racist Ohio State coach. It’s a good happy ending and I can picture that swish to win the game. The suspense in my opinion is this stories best quality.
The stories theme is probably revenge is sweet. Dwayne is rejected by the racist Ohio State and is accepted into Texas Tech. He gives the best revenge he could have to that Ohio State team, embarrassment. Texas Tech was not even ranked, and because of Dwayne, they beat the number one team, Ohio State. I love how Ohio State gets what they deserve.
This story is very good. I couldn’t really fin anything to revise. The only thing I can think of is to double check spelling and grammar. If possible, you could add a little more dialogue to strengthen the story or develop the characters more.
I. The conflict of the story was whether Dwayne was going to make the Ohio State team or not. The conflict of the story was external. The story was resolved by finding out that Dwayne actually beat the number one ranked team and that he was name stay player across the country. He also realizes that even though he didn’t make the team he wanted to be on, he is grateful to be accepted by his players on the team he did get accepted on. I think that the story was good and very dramatic already, because I was always eager to find out what was going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteII. In the beginning of the story, Dwayne wanted to continue his career in basketball at his favorite college team called Ohio State. In his letter he receives to find out the moment of truth, he finds out that he didn’t get accepted because he was black. Later throughout the story, when he was accepted by the Texas team, he realizes that it was better to be on this team anyways because they accept him for who he is no matter what color skin. The character made a good decision to go onto the Texas team because he had fun with his team members, and he had no problem with the coach. He also became one of the star players. If the character didn't decide to go onto the team, he would probably still at home to mope around being depressed.
III. My favorite part of the story was when they won at the end. It made me feel so happy for him, thinking that he had beaten the ones he was afraid to even play. It occurred in the rising action. "As time was ticking down, Dwayne shoots a three pointer at the buzzer, swish. There was a loud clamor coming from the crowd. There was a huge jubilee after the fantastic shot made by Dwayne. Dwayne makes the shot and wins the game for his team." I picked this quote from the story as a good line because it was my favorite part, and was exciting to hear that they had one at the last moment.
IV. Overall, the story's best quality was the resolution because it was a very appropriate way to end the story, in a very positive matter. I had no other way to be but to feel so happy for the main character to be in his position.
V. The story's theme was that you cannot judge someone by the color of their skin. Another one that could work for this story is that work pays off. I think the one that best fits though is don't judge someone on the color of their skin because it is very true, and has a lot to do with this story because Dwayne was a very good basketball player and deserved to be on one of the best teams no matter what skin color he had.
VI. I think that this story was very good, and that no revisions could be made. Excellent job!
Quagimre-n. Difficult situation. Beating the Ohio State basketball team is going to be a quagmire.
ReplyDeleteProwess-n. Bravery or skill. Dwayne had a lot of prowess in basketball.
Bevy-n. A large group or collection. There was a bevy of people in the stands.
Covert-adj. Secret. The coach of Texas Tech was coming up with some covert plays.
Jubilee-n. Celebration. There was a huge jubilee after the fantastic shot made by Dwayne.
Notariety-n. Fame. Dwayne was very natorious for basketball.
Clamor-n. A loud noise. There was a clamor coming from the crowd.
Inculcate-v. To teach by freqquent repitition. The coach would inculcate the plays to his players.
Thwart-v. To confuse or frustrate. The homework thwarted Dwayne.
Anull-n. Destroy/nuetralize. They did not anull Ohio State, but they still won.
Diatribe-n. A long and angry speech. After the game the Ohio State coach gave his team a diatribe.
Abase-v. To lower in rank, or to trash talk. The Ohio State players walked in and started to abase the Texas Tech players and Dwayne.
Analogous-adj. Similar. Dwayne and Gregg, a player on the other team, were analogous in skill.
Indefatigable-adj. Never tired. It is a good thing that Dwayne is indefatigable or else he would not be able to lay the entire game.
I. The conflict of the story is that Dwayne is trying to get into Ohio State, but instead has to go to Texas Tech because Ohio State doesn’t accept him because he’s black. The conflict was external. The story could’ve been more dramatic if the game would end one of the two team’s seasons.
ReplyDeleteII. The protagonist in the story realizes how widespread racism really is and uses this as motivation to beat Ohio State when they play them.
III. My favorite part of the story is when he made the game winning shot. This took place during the climax. “As time was ticking down, Dwayne shoots a three pointer at the buzzer, swish.”
IV. I liked how during the story, the author really described how angry Dwayne was that he didn’t get into Ohio State because he was African American.
V. The theme of the story is that racism is bad. I think this is the theme because of how Ohio State rejected him because of the color of his skin.
VI. The one thing I think the author needs to work on his talk more about how he did in high school and more about grades and other stats than just points to show how good he really was.
1. I would like my reader to know what my story is about. I want my reader to know that my story is about basketball and the theme is hard work pays off. I want my reader to know that the conflict is an important part of the story.
ReplyDelete2. I think that the beginning of my story and the game that takes place is something that worked well in my story. I think the beginning of my short story was easier for me to write than any other part in my story.
3. The part that was not working as well in my story is the end of my story. I had a little bit of trouble when I was writing my conclusion. I did not know exactly how to finish it or what to say in it. That was the biggest problem that I encountered in my short story.
4. One question that I have about my piece is if it engaged the reader, if it did not, I would like to know how I can improve on that. I would also like feedback on how my conclusion is. If my conclusion ended abruptly, maybe I can make it more detailed. Those are some comments I would like for my short story.
1. The biggest change that occured from my rough draft to my final copy was adding more of my vocab words and adding some more parts to my short story to allow it to flow along with my vocab words. I think that these changes were helpful because they allowed my story to have the fourteen vocab words that are required and to allow my story make sense.
ReplyDelete2. The edditing process that was better for me was the peer editing that we did for homework. I think that this was the best peer editing for me because it allowed me to understand what another person thought of my story instead of just me looking at it. The comments that my peer editer made also allowed me to make changes that would help my readers to understand my story and be engaged in it.
3. I think that my story's greatest quality is my conflict. My conflict is that Dwayne can't play for Ohio State because he is African-Amrican. I think that this conflict is my best quality because it made Dwayne go to Texas Tech for baketball and beat the Ohio State basketball team. That is why I think that my conflict is my best quality of my story.
4. I think that my best advice for people writing their short story's next year is that your story should be very detailed and something that you like because then it will be easier for you to write your story because you will be into it and you will have a lot to write about. Adding detail is also important because then the readers that read your story will be engaged into it.